I Made It!

Welcome to the end of National Blog Posting Month. My goal was 30 posts in 30 days, and I made it! Now I’m moving on to December’s challenge… but not on this blog. Please check out Every Little Blessing for new posts.

I learned a few things this month. I learned that I’m really not happy with my writing. I need to plan better and revise more.  But I also learned to get into a routine with my writing. To just write. Every. Single. Day. To pay attention to the world around me and jot down those ideas as they come to me. And, most importantly, that writing is what has been missing from my life.

Thanks to everyone who has stuck with me during this month. We did it!

Happy Thanksgiving

Today, I’m giving thanks over at the new blog, Every Little Blessing.

We’re Moving!

I’m posting over at the new blog today:

Every Little Blessing

I Am A Writer {Write it, Girl}

<Cringe.>

Why is that so hard to say? Typing it was tough, but even then I can’t even say the words out loud.

My husband has been home for several days and it has been so nice to spend time with him. But have you noticed how short my posts have been? I’ve been sneaking time to write, hoping that he won’t ask what I’m doing. Why do I feel like I need to keep this from him?

Because I feel like a fraud.

I know my writing stinks. Would you believe that I have a degree in English? I graduated with high honors. I aced the dreaded Grammar, Spelling, and Punctuation test that all journalism students had to pass before gaining entrance into the program. I have a master’s degree, for crying out loud. And over the years, I have gotten seriously lazy. I’d like to blame it on the nature of online communication, but the truth is, that’s just an excuse. I am lazy. And I’ve forgotten half of what I once knew about good writing.

But why does that matter so much? Why am I so afraid of what people will think? Why do I feel judged when, truly, I don’t read other people’s work with a teacher’s eye. No one is going to give me a grade for this. No one cares if I can’t remember when to spell out a number and when to write it as digits (and yes, I googled it yesterday because I was paranoid about my last post).

But I care. It makes me feel less worthy of being here, out in the blog world, even if I am the only one reading my posts. Even if they are truly written only for me.

The stupidest thing about all this is that my husband would think that it’s awesome that I’m writing. He would be supportive. He’d hold me accountable, asking every day what I had written. He, too, dreams of writing. And maybe, if I’m honest, that’s a part of it, too. I want this to be mine, not ours. And I’m not sure if that’s okay or not — not just with him, but in the realm of healthy relationships. He would want to read what I’ve written every day, and I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet. And, as a Christian wife who claims to want to strengthen my relationship with my husband, who claims to want to be transparent with him, that makes me feel guilty. I’m just afraid to say to him, “I am a writer,” as if that will make it even less true.

But I’ll type it again. I am a writer.

And I will keep typing it here, until I have the courage to say it out loud.

Peace

It’s quiet in the house this morning. The two biggles aren’t here much during the week, especially when their dad is out of town. The middles met the bus at 6:45 this morning, under the orange glow of a street light. The baby has been up since 4am, but decided that he needed a nap after ‘the fun ones’ left for school. That leaves me and the dog, who hasn’t found anything real or imaginary to bark at for the last few minutes. I love this time of day. It’s scheduled “writing time” — pretty much the only true “me time” I get during the day.

Don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with my kids. I love being out and meeting new people. I love checking off to-do items on my list. I am absolutely LOVING being a stay-at-home mom. But I cherish these fleeting moments of quiet when I can sit with a cup of tea and pour out my soul for awhile. The baby takes a fairly long morning nap, and while I could probably transition him to a later wakey-uppy time in the mornings, I like knowing that I can have my quiet time with God and my Bible, a cup of hot tea, and some writing time first thing in the morning. I find comfort and peace in this new schedule, and it has really helped me to start my day with this kind of quiet reflection.

I know that there are floors to be swept and counters to be wiped. I know that I need to do some research on homeschool curriculum and that there are some bills waiting to be paid. But those can wait. That has been my biggest step forward in the past few weeks: learning to give myself time without guilt.

National Blog Posting Month!

A blog post every day for the month of November. I’m going to be positive and say yes, this is something I can do. Not sure what I’m talking about?  BlogHer is sponsoring the National Blog Posting Month this November. This will be the first year I’ve committed to the challenge and I’m excited about it. I do wish there was a theme, though, instead of just “blogging for blogging’s sake” because it would help me focus.

Now to go and plan out my writing schedule for the month. My goals are to get into the habit of blogging daily and to polish my writing skills.  I can’t wait to get started!